i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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