Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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