don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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