BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
