And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
