Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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