you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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