Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My ass is underappreciated
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
