so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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