The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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