The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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