Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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