So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
