You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
