ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize