Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
