i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize