Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
