i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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