tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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