never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
