I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
