i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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