it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
