Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
