Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
