Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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