please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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