Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
