we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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