I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
