I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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