I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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