i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
