Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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