Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
