I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
