it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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