let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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