I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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