im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
