I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
