in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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