Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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