I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
