No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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