my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
