Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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