The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
