ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
