Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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