she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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