Sry I called you an 8
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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