I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
