Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
