I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
