Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize