I wish I could teleport
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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