in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize