$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
