There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
two words: eviction party
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
