I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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