Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
