I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
