i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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