I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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