I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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