Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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