So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
