I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
