I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
