Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
