Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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