hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
