I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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