Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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