I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
