I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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