Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you never un-have a 4some
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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