i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
