The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
