Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
